She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
