lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
