Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
