HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
