I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
