he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
