3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
