He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
