i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
