is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
