This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
