Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
she peed on how many people?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
