Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Acid is not a monday night drug
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
