did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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