I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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