is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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