I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
