be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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