made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
