That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize