I want to walk on stilts...naked
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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