is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
