Your tits are I can't wait for
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
