i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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