Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
