I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize