Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
