Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
