i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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