Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
