I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
