The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i think my tv is drunk
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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