I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
