i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize