the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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