at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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