I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I can feel your judgement through the phone
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
