Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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