her vagina looked like bernie madoff
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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