you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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