I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
