$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
