Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
