Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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