I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
