It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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