can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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