Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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