Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I love you.
Bad choice
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