hell yes lets make some ravioli
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
