was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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