i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
