your parents love me but you hate me
I wannas sexs uuuuu
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
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