ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
