Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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