well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
