Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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