Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize