she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
