On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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