I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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