Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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