Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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