i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
