Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
