You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
