God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
