I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
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