you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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